Lesson learned.....

Making the most of where you are, yet still dreaming to be there.

I tried to do this, make the most of where I was but I always had this dream in the back of my mind. Robbie and I would think of things that would be more difficult to do with a baby (like moving across the country jk, like going on long road trips or going to Jump on it, the movies, amusement parks etc.) to try and really make the most of where we were. We had so much fun and enjoyed our time together!! So now we are thinking about making the most of where we are (pregnant wife) yet still dreaming of where we are going (having that sweet baby in our arms, we will find out in 2 weeks what we are having!!) Anyway...on to the real purpose of this post.

So I have been overwhelmed by the Love and Support we have received. We have received letters, comments, emails, phone calls and personal congratulations. Although we have always known we were very loved and very supported we have been in awe as to what degree. I wish I could thank you all personally and as much as I have tried I know it has barely made a dent. I have learned something that has meant so much to me.

Empathy- I have always loved the word and meaning of the word empathy. Especially going through my trials I have found such comfort in people who were able to truly empathize with my feelings. I had a whole group of friends in Provo who had struggled with infertility and who still continue to do so. Their friendship and love has meant so much to me. It was great to have someone so talk with and to stay hopeful with and to be excited to hear my and share their own news. I held on to the empathy of others. I felt grateful that I had gone through the trials I had gone through so I could empathize with other past, present and future. I loved being able to say, "Oh ya I have had that test before...let me tell you about it." Or having someone else so "I totally understand what you are going through...I have been there too." This was where I felt my strength coming from. (Of course I felt so much coming from our Father in Heaven as well but I truly felt that he sent these angels into my life for me to help and for them to help me...and they continue to do so.)

But to be honest although my understanding of empathy was very strong and clear I hadn't given as much credit to sympathy and this experience has really showed me that although one hasn't been exactly where you stand, it doesn't mean that they aren't hurting with you.

What I learned and how I learned about Sympathy- When we went through the process of telling our families about our pregnancy I was overwhelmed by how much they really cared and were invested in our success. My brother hugged me and kissed me (I don't remember the last or even first time he did that) and said he felt really emotional about it and was so excited. I stood there in awe. I didn't even know he knew what we were going through (to the extent that we were going through it.) Our parents and siblings and in laws were brought to tears when we announced it to them. I just stood there thinking, this hasn't just been our weight, they have shared our weight. We were given countless baby gifts which has been our dream for so long, to own a maternity shirt (ok my dream, not Robbies), to hold a little sleeper in my hand and know that someday my baby will wear it. My sister in law has been collecting cute toys, shoes and sleepers she has seen over the last 5 years (even before I was married) which she knew I would like and has had to keep this big box with her for possibly longer than she expected. I was overwhelmed taking out each piece of clothing and thinking about how she thought of me and our little family on all these occasions. The emails and comments of friends and family who maybe haven't had this struggle but have had such difficult trials of their own, telling us how excited they were and how they knew it would happen. I can even describe to you how much we have learned and stood back in awe as we have felt the love of all of you, both through empathy and sympathy (I almost think there needs to be a stronger word than sympathy because it just doesn't seem strong enough to describe it.) We have had people we don't even know that well come up and hug us and say we have been praying for you. Seriously this is what it is all about, we learned about true compassion this Christmas. Not only did we receive this miracle and amazing experience but we learned more about all the many blessings that Heavenly Father has blessed us with...All of you. Thank you Thank You Thank You! We love you!

And although I feel torn between these two worlds : the world of infertility and the world I have so desperately wanted to join I hope I can continue to add to both. Enjoying the place I have prayed to be for so long and continuing to be sensitive and empathize with so many who are still waiting to join it! I love you all more than ever. Thanks especially to one who I don't really know who emailed me and knew exactly the way I would feel about these two worlds. Although she is in the other right now I know she will soon join the one of her dreams. Thank you for your much needed support!